Father Whomever at Shop Something by Mike Noordzy

Mike Noordzy is a regular at The Idiom Magazine….really just cause he’s lived across the hall for most of the idiom’s life and plays very nice upright bass and other weird sounds…..you can hear some of his music at his record label, Nacht Records

This piece has the usual voice and charm of a Mike Noordzy poem….I would hate to be trapped in his head for longer then an hour so we’ll try to keep his podcast interview to about 60 minutes when we talk to him in an upcoming idiom podcast

You can see the rest of the current issue here and if you like mike noordzy’s work you can also find his chapbook of collected early works “Word” here..

Mike Noordzy

Father whomever at shop something

snaky time keeps on ticking ticking ticking
priest looks at his watch impatiently
old stereotypical probably jewish woman can’t seem to align her coupons and her debit card with her denture toothpaste etc
check out boy has a burning vicious hang over
don’t throw up, don’t throw up, don’t throw up
his mantra, supermarket yoga, apron meditation
jewish lady figures it out
priest rolls up
still sportin his collar
nodding to anyone who’ll make eye contact
giving them the old, “i’ll get you into heaven” nod
“hey, Neil” (reading check out boy’s name tag)
Neil ignores and rings up Father so and so’s pita bread and spray deodorant
“do you have your customer card?” Neil asks apathetically
“oooooh, i think i left it back at the rectory, can you put one in for me?”
“absolutely not”
“i beg your pardon?”
“new policy, nothing i can do about it, you’ll just have to pay full price, $15.73”
Father priest shakes his head in disbelief and pulls out a twenty dollar bill
Neil deals his cash, change, receipt etc, beyond routine at this point
“God bless you young man.”
Neil stared at the conveyor belt and said
“Whatever, fuck you, hail Satan, pervert, god sucks, eat shit, have a coupon stupid, buy some shit, wear a collar, feel important, make me feel better, i might have a bullshit job but at least i’m the real deal, the real shit, true grit and i’m chock full of that, not like you, priest, i almost wish judas priest was just called judas, cause they’re so fuckin cool and you’re so full of shit, your bullshit profession doesn’t deserve the honor to be mentioned alongside their greatness “
“I’ll pray for you, young man”
“Oh goodie goodie gumdrops, that ought to be very effective. Thanks a bunch Father, How creepy is that shit by the way, calling you Father, eww”

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