Tag Archives: Mike Noordzy

Father Whomever at Shop Something by Mike Noordzy

Mike Noordzy is a regular at The Idiom Magazine….really just cause he’s lived across the hall for most of the idiom’s life and plays very nice upright bass and other weird sounds…..you can hear some of his music at his record label, Nacht Records

This piece has the usual voice and charm of a Mike Noordzy poem….I would hate to be trapped in his head for longer then an hour so we’ll try to keep his podcast interview to about 60 minutes when we talk to him in an upcoming idiom podcast

You can see the rest of the current issue here and if you like mike noordzy’s work you can also find his chapbook of collected early works “Word” here..

Mike Noordzy

Father whomever at shop something

snaky time keeps on ticking ticking ticking
priest looks at his watch impatiently
old stereotypical probably jewish woman can’t seem to align her coupons and her debit card with her denture toothpaste etc
check out boy has a burning vicious hang over
don’t throw up, don’t throw up, don’t throw up
his mantra, supermarket yoga, apron meditation
jewish lady figures it out
priest rolls up
still sportin his collar
nodding to anyone who’ll make eye contact
giving them the old, “i’ll get you into heaven” nod
“hey, Neil” (reading check out boy’s name tag)
Neil ignores and rings up Father so and so’s pita bread and spray deodorant
“do you have your customer card?” Neil asks apathetically
“oooooh, i think i left it back at the rectory, can you put one in for me?”
“absolutely not”
“i beg your pardon?”
“new policy, nothing i can do about it, you’ll just have to pay full price, $15.73”
Father priest shakes his head in disbelief and pulls out a twenty dollar bill
Neil deals his cash, change, receipt etc, beyond routine at this point
“God bless you young man.”
Neil stared at the conveyor belt and said
“Whatever, fuck you, hail Satan, pervert, god sucks, eat shit, have a coupon stupid, buy some shit, wear a collar, feel important, make me feel better, i might have a bullshit job but at least i’m the real deal, the real shit, true grit and i’m chock full of that, not like you, priest, i almost wish judas priest was just called judas, cause they’re so fuckin cool and you’re so full of shit, your bullshit profession doesn’t deserve the honor to be mentioned alongside their greatness “
“I’ll pray for you, young man”
“Oh goodie goodie gumdrops, that ought to be very effective. Thanks a bunch Father, How creepy is that shit by the way, calling you Father, eww”

The Idiom Magazine’s Pushcart Prize Nominations

Every year the Pushcart Prize accepts nominations from small presses and publications to be anthologized in their annual publication.

This year The Idiom Magazine has chosen:

  • Mark Brunetti “The Museum of the Past
  • Mike Noordzy “Work” or “With Lying Anything is Possible”
  • Ann Malaspina “Horse Bones”
  • Alexandria Savastano “So They Told Me That the Girl You Dated Before Me had no Voice Box”
  • Michael Jemal “The Baker”

Also sent out to get our proof copies for Piscataway House Publication’s newest book “I Keep Going” by poet Joshua Ballard…more information on that to come soon….

Nothing happens if yer not doin nothing

Mike Noordzy and a day in his life with Mr. Adams…….

Mike Noordzy is the only writer to have been in every single issue of The Idiom Magazine….it has helped that for the majority of it he lived across the hall and that time we stayed up all night watching Twilight Zone in Sergio’s basement…..

Check out Nacht Records to hear some of his music and other musicians that he spawns

Bryan Adams

couple years ago
sittin in a hotel room with Bryan Adams
yeah, that Bryan Adams
how i ended up there is a longer story that is not entirely known to me
it had been a dizzying whirlwind type of morning and i knew my sense of time and location would end up gravely distorted so i thought it best not to question.
and so it was around 4pm
nicest room in of the better Best Westerns
Bryan, emerging from the bathroom in nothing but a poorly wrapped towel
hair dripping, steam billowing out the door
he looked at me very seriously
i didn’t know what to say
“…Well, i’ll let you get dressed……maybe i’ll check out the pool, guy in the elevator said they have a slide.”
Bryan shook his head and stretched out on the bed.
“I don’t think so.”
“I’ll come right back.” I replied
“I don’t think so, and that’s the end of it. I don’t want you to leave my sight.”
Then he motioned for me to join him, pointing to the foot wide space on the edge of bed
“I mean, that slide sounded pretty cool.”
“Sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up.”
I sat down and leaned back, he put an arm around me
He turned on the television
Women’s bowling was on ESPN 13
Bryan made a “Womp, womp” sound effect anytime a gal rolled less than a strike.
After making the sound he would squeeze my shoulder and laugh hysterically for a way longer than the appropriate time. I have to admit, after awhile it was pretty funny
Wait, was it Bryan Adams? maybe it wasn’t
He said his name was Bryan
Maybe it was J. Geils
or maybe it was just some guy
Maybe it was no one and I was there by myself like on some fight club shit.
i don’t know
2006 was weird